Making Peace with the Separate Self

Papaji, my teachers’ teacher spoke about vigilance, and how until our last breath, there is a need for vigilance. This teaching has been so powerful for me and I’d like to share how this practice of vigilance sharpens my attention, and brings about the possibility of stopping and falling into Peace in any moment.

When we are really willing to tell the truth about what is arising in our experience, in any moment it is possible to check and see what the ego is up to. First of all, is there a sense of a ‘me’ here? If so, we can acknowledge and soften…even smile at it… this experience of a ‘me’. So often (probably always) we can fall into a sense of shame, frustration or failure when we feel (and feel trapped in) a separate self. I’ve noticed that when we deliberately become aware of and stop indulging in attacking our egoic self, our ability to perceive becomes freed-up and infused with deep clarity. For me, this (self-compassion) continues to take practice; being vigilant to recognizing, and not unconsciously indulging in attack from within.

So moving with kindness and interest, we can point our attention towards telling the truth about what we are experiencing. How do you know there is a me here? What evidence does this me use to reference its existence? What does this me want? Is there an agenda that it is trying to promote? Is it trying to get something? How does it wish things were different than they are? Does it have a sense of ‘have to’, of leaning into the future with an impossible ‘to do’ list in hand (laden with expectations and unachievable standards?). What is the emotional tone of this me? There too, can you see if any painful emotions are being repressed (often resulting in a stack of other emotions on top) or is there some drama being indulged? Is there a feeling of a victim (or a marytr or a hero for that matter) lurking in this me?

As all ‘evidence of me’ (and our reactions to any of it) is perceived and received into this kind, open and genuinely curious attention, something seems to soften, it all seems to become less sticky, less compelling, less personal. Awareness seems to awaken and deepen from the place untouched by Me.

So vigilance is seeing and taking responsibility for where we are moving from. Peace is surrendering fully into the the unmoving ~ and recognizing That as what is and has always, been living through us. Then our lives become a conscious and uninhibited expression of Peace <3 .

Thank you Gangaji and Eli-Jaxon Bear for igniting these teachings in my heart. I’m so grateful. <3