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The Divine Grump

Sometimes even the Grump can lead us to greater awareness…. You know those days when you just wake up grumpy?  I had one of those recently, complete with a dark mind full of complaints darting around like fish appearing out of the murk. There was a loud and convincing story about all the work that would attack me as soon as I got out of bed and even though I knew I was indulging in some wallowing, I couldn’t quite shake it.

Then out of nowhere, I was hit by a sudden flood of total compassion and acceptance towards this ‘Grump’, coupled with a playful ‘jeesh, what a ‘GRUMP!!’ It was like one moment, the Grump was who I was, and then the next, the walls around that identity fell away and I was there standing in the centre of that role but seeing it had nothing to do with who I am in the least.  The presence of this sudden awareness and playfulness towards the Grump caught me off guard in a way that is feeling more and more familiar- as did the state of TOTAL acceptance and even delight due to the hilarity of its antics. This was so much deeper and genuine than the times when the Grump had decided to try to ‘look on the bright side’ and not be grumpy anymore…

So, the message here is that the Grump can’t think its way to clear seeing.  The Grump (and all its other moods and modes) is who we believe ourselves to be. We think we are navigating from ‘inside’ the Grump.  The Grump is the one who thinks it can and will ‘wake’ up one day and ‘see it all’.  But the Grump stays – the mind stays.  This is a huge clue of where not to keep searching.  If the question ‘where else is there to look’ arises… good!!  Ask that question and just listen and notice.  When the mind starts to narrate the experience (and probably with a voice that sees a ‘failure’ of ‘finding anything’) notice that too… stay with this alert noticing…

I think all of us who are on this path of awakening go through this.  While our hearts may lead us to the path, our egos kick in and start to interpret, process and ‘practice’.  This is natural – this is exactly what we’ve been conditioned to do and we do it well.  We hear that we need to ‘accept’ and so we then ‘try’ to will ourselves into accepting the darker aspects of mind and personality that comes with our bodies.  We try to accept all elements of ‘mind’ with mind.  This can fuel frustration and feelings of self-defeat for many of us because as well-intentioned and genuine this effort is, we can’t will our way into true acceptance.

A point may come where we start ‘practicing acceptance’ mentally, but in reality we haven’t actually had the experience of full acceptance (thus repressing our resistance out of our conscious awareness….pushing us deeper into unconsciousness). And then we wonder why we are still so bound to this finite identity when we should ‘know better’.  Ah…. the despair of the path…. but this is the juiciness of it…. when we see all of this – and can tell the truth about it and admit that we ‘don’t know’ ‘how’ to ‘do this’, we enter into a state of humility and openness.  This is the state that makes us receptive to the possibility of directly and clearly (and instantly) recognizing something that rings with the sweetness of a deep truth at your core.

Sending playful compassion to the Grump in you,

Laura xx

ps  I have put up a calendar on my ‘private and group meetings’ page if you’d like to book an appointment (I’d love to work with you- even one session can poke some serious holes in your belief in yourself as being the ‘Grump’!!).

 

 

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Conscious Parenting – on-line course with Kathryn Jefferies

Hello friends!!

I am happy to share that Kathryn Jefferies (author of Awake: Education for Enlightenment) and I are developing a ‘conscious parenting’ on-line course.

Our focus is to give parents tools and support to move through the many challenging parenting situations from a more conscious and intelligent place (which in my experience has resulted in an ability to trust myself deeper and experience new levels of joy, freedom and creativity in all aspects of parenting).

We would love to know what kind of interest there is out there. Please comment below if this is something that might interest you and include the main ‘issues/challenges’ you face as a parent that you would like us to address in the course.

We are so excited to create this community and honoured to offer support that can bring a deep level of peace to such a challenging journey. Please respond below or email me a message.

Love and support always, Laura

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Practice: Expanding your Awareness

At some point on our journeys of deepening awareness, most of us hit what feels like a few ‘plateaus’ along the way.  A tricky one is where we recognize that we are not our identities, but feel stuck in them nonetheless. This can be a frustrating place to be, because the voice of  ‘you know better, so why are you still so attached to your story?’  can and does arise.  Of course, this voice (from the spiritualized superego) isn’t very helpful and just adds another layer to the ‘story’.  Trying to just detach from our mental bodies – our thoughts, beliefs, ideas, convictions, memories, is a form of denial that never works for long.

I think the most helpful thing I can offer here is to say that it comes back again and again to telling the truth about what’s here.  Not telling about what is here and why it should or shouldn’t be here, or what’s here and how you are going to go about fixing/changing that, but just simply being truthful (and curious) about what’s here.  I have experienced that when we are willing to tell the truth without any judgement, deeper truths are spontaneously revealed that add a richness, depth and clarity (and release and joy!) to our experience of any moment.

How do we go about noticing the truth?  I’ve found it really helpful to start with the ‘external’ world – what or who is around you?  Take a moment to notice things that have always been in that particular space but that you haven’t really looked at before.  Notice the quality of light, temperature, sounds and movements around you… then shift your attention to your physical body – scan it and notice whatever sensations are present (from pain and tension to strength and openness).  Now scan your emotions – what feeling is present?  Is there one?  Has there been one going on in the background today?  Where is it in your body – what narrative is around it? Your role here is to be a ‘listening presence’ that just leans in to check out what is going on…. Now move your attention into your mental body – is your mind racing or calm?  Are you stewing, stressing, planning, fantasizing?  What kind of thoughts are running through your head, what tone of voice do they carry? Just notice. Now see if you can just notice a relaxed alertness that is somehow in the background, taking this all in… the witnessing consciousness.  What happens to your mind when your attention is on this conscious space?

Now see if you can hold all of this in your awareness at once – what happens to your state of being?

This practice is potent.  I notice right now such a difference between the energy of  ‘the me that wants to get things done’ versus the energy of the vast presence of awareness that holds the ‘me’ and everything else.  I can remember when the ‘me’ used to seem so much louder and so much more ‘in command’ than the silent alertness… but that has shifted, and I am certain this constant ‘practice’ – simply of shifting my attention to the silent awareness that is always present, and letting go of ‘looking for anything’ in ‘there’, is the ‘how’.

The presence of that awareness grows. And sweetens. And eventually, it becomes home, and the mind is where I go to, instead of the other way around.

It is no small thing.

Sending love and support always, L.

PS- I will be speaking at the women’s wellness weekend in Revelstoke BC on June 18-19 – Click here to find out more details.