My experience of life now is incomparable to what it was not so long ago. However, for a long time, like many people, I was stuck at the place of deeply resonating with and recognizing the truth in the sublime and inspired writings from fully enlightened masters. I felt a deep frustration and longing though because I hadn’t directly experienced what they were pointing to. I wanted to be able to adopt this seemingly unlimited view in my own life, but it seemed so out of reach. I felt like these sages were reporting from a different world that I wanted to taste and see and swim in and live from SO much, but I didn’t think it was possible for me because it felt like I was permanently stuck in believing and obeying the orders of my conditioned mind. There was a healthy fear holding me back too; was I ready to ‘wake up’ and see the truth of what I’d worked so hard to unnecessarily uphold all my life? Was I ready to really let the identity of ‘me’ die? (I didn’t understand how that could be possible and still be functional in this world) Was there actually something that could be consciously experienced beyond the conditioned mind anyway? I always loved Einstein’s quote that the world’s problems cannot be solved at the level of consciousness at which they were created. He wrote about how none of his insights were ever attained through rational thought, they came from a purely creative force that bubbled up into his conscious awareness…. so how can we access this purely creative intelligence….? How can we nurture that state?
I really wanted to know if it was even possible to go from merely conceptualizing the experience of awakening and meeting oneself as pure consciousness, and of spending more time in this creative state, to a direct and intimate experience of it.
Amazingly, and surprisingly, it is possible. Here’s some inspiration from Gangaji for you :
So again, in my next blog, I’m going back to my story here – to document this extraordinary process (that happened to an ordinary person in a time of challenge) in the hopes of encouraging others who are on the path.
Laura, thank you for your words. The questions you pose are ones that I have asked myself – how DO we get to that place of direct and intimate experience with conciousness? To move beyond the mind and into pure creativity…..I look so forward to reading more. Much gratitude, dear one.
Andrea – I am so excited that you are asking these questions – as you are becomeing a doctor!!! =) That place of direct and intimate experience with consciousness is who we are…. so we are already in that place, we just think that because it seems like we live in our thoughts, we are not already consciousness itself…. you know?
So then for me the question becomes.. How do I get out of my own way so i can touch and be in consistent relationship with what i already am? With my truth? How do I clear away all the other stuff that isnt me? and How can I tell what’s what?
Hi Cheryl,
This is such an important question – and has been a guiding one for me as well.
The truth of who and what you are is already here – intact, whole and consciously aware. When we feel like we aren’t in touch with the truth of who we are, it is because we are resisting whatever aspect is present in some subtle or gross way. For example, if stess or negativity is your experience and this makes you believe that you are out of touch with the truth of your being, often what we do is try to change the stress/negativity to ‘get’ into a state of peace. So we do whatever we do – we exercise, we drink wine, we silently beat ourselves up for not being enlightened enough =), and we try to ‘attain’ peace through some effort. But the truth of your being is already here – and when we feel like something is ‘blocking’ us from that, we can do self-inquiry – we meet whatever ‘that’ is directly and openly. We meet stress, depression, and long-standing limiting patterns that have made us sad or stuck for a long time with a willingness to meet it fully – openly. So instead of chasing depression or dullness, away (or just surrendering to defeat – this is how I”ll always be…. there is nothing more….) instead we face it. We allow it. ‘Ewwwww… I don’t want to allow depression, I want it to go away’ ‘I don’t want this to be me and I don’t want to spend any more time associated with this at all- I’m so tired of this’….. but when you do – finally and fully – instead of masking it with busyness, denial or substances – and actually truly turn and face it – the deepest Truth of who you are is in the centre of that which you were sure was ‘in the way’ of your Truth. It takes courage – it takes the willingness to face and allow the very thing you least want to allow – but when you do – (fully)……you’ll meet the truth. Right there. Peace Cheryl – and let me know how it goes, I’d love to hear. Laura xo
ps Cheryl, you ask ‘how can I tell what’s what?’ I say, it is all you…. everything that arises, whatever emotion, circumstance, experience… it is all arising within the awareness that you are – so none of it is separate from the truth of your being. It is all arising to be seen, met and experienced directly – all the way through…. in my experience, when I’m afraid of meeting something fully, it just kind of lurks around for years, like a crusty mood that won’t go away sometimes…. until I accept it and welcome it – and finally see it for what it is (and isn’t!).