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The willingness to Awaken

Willingness has been such a teaching for me. When some emotional storm blows in, or a mental pattern begins to loop its way through a well-trodden neural pathway, or a circumstance suddenly unfolds an old sense of needing to do something to prove ‘my’ worth, I’ve noticed that the tendency is to immediately (and subconsciously) judge and resist these patterns and indulge in putting forth a huge amount of effort to try to change them.  In this way, an inner war (that claims the lion’s share of attention) is waged, What an effort, what a burden!  I see so clearly that the arising of these old tendencies is not the problem, falling into the trance of reactivity, and the ensuing attempts to manage and fix, is the cement that can bind me to identity.

I’ve also noticed that when it feels like there is a ‘me’ here driving the ship, pride and self-deception are both running on high in the background, keeping everything ticking along, doing their job of perpetuating unconsciousness. So when any of this comes up, a powerful inquiry has been, ‘If I was totally willing to tell the flat-out truth about what’s here, what would I notice in my experience?’  Immediately, pride and self-deception become ineffective and come to a halt, and awareness becomes imbued with the natural capacity to be objective and truthful.  With straightforwardness and ease (and often a deep humility and humour) it is clear to see what’s been running as well as any reaction to it. This alone brings a palpable shift into relief, lightness and freedom…. and a sense of falling back into an attentive sentience and wholeheartedness that is home.  So it’s willingness that’s the key.  Are we willing to expose what’s truly here in our experience – especially the bits we don’t want to be here and that we want to fix/hide?  What would happen if we just told the truth about what is here – even for a moment? <3

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The Divine Grump

Sometimes even the Grump can lead us to greater awareness…. You know those days when you just wake up grumpy?  I had one of those recently, complete with a dark mind full of complaints darting around like fish appearing out of the murk. There was a loud and convincing story about all the work that would attack me as soon as I got out of bed and even though I knew I was indulging in some wallowing, I couldn’t quite shake it.

Then out of nowhere, I was hit by a sudden flood of total compassion and acceptance towards this ‘Grump’, coupled with a playful ‘jeesh, what a ‘GRUMP!!’ It was like one moment, the Grump was who I was, and then the next, the walls around that identity fell away and I was there standing in the centre of that role but seeing it had nothing to do with who I am in the least.  The presence of this sudden awareness and playfulness towards the Grump caught me off guard in a way that is feeling more and more familiar- as did the state of TOTAL acceptance and even delight due to the hilarity of its antics. This was so much deeper and genuine than the times when the Grump had decided to try to ‘look on the bright side’ and not be grumpy anymore…

So, the message here is that the Grump can’t think its way to clear seeing.  The Grump (and all its other moods and modes) is who we believe ourselves to be. We think we are navigating from ‘inside’ the Grump.  The Grump is the one who thinks it can and will ‘wake’ up one day and ‘see it all’.  But the Grump stays – the mind stays.  This is a huge clue of where not to keep searching.  If the question ‘where else is there to look’ arises… good!!  Ask that question and just listen and notice.  When the mind starts to narrate the experience (and probably with a voice that sees a ‘failure’ of ‘finding anything’) notice that too… stay with this alert noticing…

I think all of us who are on this path of awakening go through this.  While our hearts may lead us to the path, our egos kick in and start to interpret, process and ‘practice’.  This is natural – this is exactly what we’ve been conditioned to do and we do it well.  We hear that we need to ‘accept’ and so we then ‘try’ to will ourselves into accepting the darker aspects of mind and personality that comes with our bodies.  We try to accept all elements of ‘mind’ with mind.  This can fuel frustration and feelings of self-defeat for many of us because as well-intentioned and genuine this effort is, we can’t will our way into true acceptance.

A point may come where we start ‘practicing acceptance’ mentally, but in reality we haven’t actually had the experience of full acceptance (thus repressing our resistance out of our conscious awareness….pushing us deeper into unconsciousness). And then we wonder why we are still so bound to this finite identity when we should ‘know better’.  Ah…. the despair of the path…. but this is the juiciness of it…. when we see all of this – and can tell the truth about it and admit that we ‘don’t know’ ‘how’ to ‘do this’, we enter into a state of humility and openness.  This is the state that makes us receptive to the possibility of directly and clearly (and instantly) recognizing something that rings with the sweetness of a deep truth at your core.

Sending playful compassion to the Grump in you,

Laura xx

ps  I have put up a calendar on my ‘private and group meetings’ page if you’d like to book an appointment (I’d love to work with you- even one session can poke some serious holes in your belief in yourself as being the ‘Grump’!!).

 

 

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Conscious Parenting – on-line course with Kathryn Jefferies

Hello friends!!

I am happy to share that Kathryn Jefferies (author of Awake: Education for Enlightenment) and I are developing a ‘conscious parenting’ on-line course.

Our focus is to give parents tools and support to move through the many challenging parenting situations from a more conscious and intelligent place (which in my experience has resulted in an ability to trust myself deeper and experience new levels of joy, freedom and creativity in all aspects of parenting).

We would love to know what kind of interest there is out there. Please comment below if this is something that might interest you and include the main ‘issues/challenges’ you face as a parent that you would like us to address in the course.

We are so excited to create this community and honoured to offer support that can bring a deep level of peace to such a challenging journey. Please respond below or email me a message.

Love and support always, Laura