Category: trauma-informed inquiry

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Breaking Free from the Trance of Unworthiness

One of the most profound lessons I’m deeply grateful to be learning in this lifetime is that Love—and qualities like stability, wisdom, clear-mindedness, etc.—truly live within us. Before I could directly access this deep well, I remember encountering phrases like “What you seek is inside you” and “You can’t love anyone else until you love yourself.” They left me feeling empty, even dejected, because I hadn’t yet connected to this within myself and I didn’t know how.

To be honest, knowing ‘how’ doesn’t mean that I always remember!! But the difference is, now when I find myself caught in waves of whatever is arising, (insecurity, doubt, or harsh self-criticism, etc.) —I am aware of something that is like the ring of a distant bell. This ring carries a potent reminder that, while this state feels so real, and is so consuming, it doesn’t actually reflect the deeper truth of who I am, or what I actually need to do. The state presents so much to fix—through self-reflection, exercise, supplements, therapy—and while none of these are wrong, and often even necessary in intense moments, directing my attention to the faint bell offers another, powerful way to respond.

For me, responding to this deeper call starts with simply naming that I’m enmeshed in a state – in what Tara Brach calls the trance of unworthiness. Naming this helps me become aware that I’ve fallen into believing something painful and untrue, something that seems to need fixing or overcoming. Being able to recognize that I am in a state is the true gift of these teachings. With this recognition, I can see how painful it is to feel so far from my true self.

From here, something compassionate starts to take over and I naturally start to resource myself with whatever feels most nourishing in the moment. I might place my hands over my heart, and take slow, deep breaths, and feel my body here in the present moment. I might gently rock from side to side or massage my face. In these simple acts, my nervous system begins to unwind, soften, and ease. My awareness returns, fully embodied, soft and expansive. There is a deep sense of being back and fully connected to my true self—free of any trance or state that needs improvement. From this place, if anything does need attending to, it is unhurried, non -reactive and full of compassion and clarity.

What a gift that is.

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Honoring Limits: The Path to Creative Energy and Integrity

From the Alcove (which is the name of my garden studio where I get to engage in deep self inquiry with others) :

ok, while it is daunting, isn’t there immense freedom in finally acknowledging the unseen burdens we carry? Once we truly recognize we’ve been lugging along these heavy loads, (and start to question the necessity of that) we can set them down and consciously examine their contents. Often, so much of it is unnecessary; the weight of painful beliefs and patterns we’ve inherited from our past.

This inquiry asks us to be so honest and compassionate with ourselves as we do this intricate sifting. It’s fruitful though, it allows us to clarify what we can let go of. What a feeling to lighten the load (even better if there is forgiveness self-compassion and insight)! And even if we cannot release anything right away, we absolutely gain a clearer picture of our actual capacity, enabling us to move forward with integrity and honesty in how we extend our energy to all the different parts of our life.

The hardest part of this for many of us is that we cannot wait for others to spot our burdens and give us permission to heal. Perhaps we have a wise friend or family member who might gently nudge some attention towards our inner struggles, but ultimately, it is up to us to do this work, and then again, up to us to acknowledge and honour our own limits.

This is no easy task, especially in a culture that constantly encourages us to override or ignore our limits in pursuit of success (or some variation of worthiness). Waiting for others to allow us to rest or to make choices that nourish us means relinquishing our autonomy and integrity. It is so helpful to remember that while some others may not understand or might even judge our choices, that’s ok, this is our own journey – at the depths, only you know what you are carrying.

The best part of this is the more we honour our limits and live in integrity with them, it seems to be the case that our creativity and energy and overall capacity naturally increases! We start to exist in a way that is nourished rather than overextended, which gives others permission to do the same. From this, genuine and sustainable generosity can start to flow. I feel so much encouragement and joy in my heart, supporting this! ❤

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The Healing Power of Tears: Embracing Emotional Release

Often when clients step through the doorway into my office, tears are already spilling down their beautiful faces before they get settled on the blue couch. They often shake their heads apologetically, a bit baffled, yet relieved that this is a place where their tears come to flow.

It is the most beautiful thing to witness. 

So.much.healing is happening in these moments.

Beyond reducing our stress hormones and releasing oxytocin and endorphins, something so necessary cracks in us when we cry, doesn’t it?  When that shielding breaks, and the depths that are so exquisitely poignant and authentic are suddenly exposed. It’s astonishing ~ and brilliant.  I’m sure you know from your own experience how these moments can feel transcendent.  The healing relief of being able to hear your own heart.  The energizing clarity that nourishes parts of you that have been flat or inaccessible. The sense of being flooded with self-forgiveness. Tears like this are truly healing, often permanently shifting our perspective in ways that allow us to move forward in a completely different way.

It’s wild how much we can brace against our tears (consciously and unconsciously).  Yet once those deep plates shift and we crack, we can relax our hold, exhale and experience deep peace.