Category: spiritual awakening

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Experiencing reality directly

Hello dear ones!!

It has been a long time since I’ve visited this page. I went back to work this fall as an academic instructor and outdoor guide for an Adventure Tourism Business Operations Program in Golden, BC.  As all working parents know, it can be a busy juggle to balance roles, schedules, kids, meals…. the mind becomes busy…. the emotions overwhelmed.

But I am inspired to share that my awareness of ‘the something that never changes’, regardless of external circumstance or internal state, has deepened.

So in any given moment, here’s how things might be going…. externally, there might be the lovely buzz of excitement that comes with work; moments of humour and connection with my students, and then others heavily weighted with pressure, overwhelm and stress.  There is almost always the fatigue of sleeplessness and constant busy-ness,  which is dangerous to pay any attention to because there is everything that my three beautiful kids need me to attend to for them…..Then there are thoughts about the human spirit, creativity, connection with nature and with self, intelligent capacity… and wondering about the impact our school system has on those things… so the arising of questions occurs around education options for our children…… I feel the intensity of all of this juggling, and all the deep joys and frustrations that we all seem to experience at this stage of life.

It is so clear to me as I write this that the fuel of all of this intensity is the deep belief in ‘myself’ as a central character that has control and has to figure out how to navigate intelligently through this time.

But to my great surprise and relief, the belief of a central ‘me’ that has to make all these life-changing decisions, is losing ground.  What’s taking over is the awareness of the conscious silence that I am. The presence that is simply always here and untouched by anything – is spontaneously and unexpectedly attracting my attention.  I don’t remind myself to ‘be quiet’ or ‘turn within’ – it is just simply what happens, often.  In this quietness, my mind falls silent and no longer seems to resist its lack of a job in this pure knowingness…. Fresh sources of gratitude, peace, fulfillment, and ease bubble up…

So there are still waves of anxiety, depression, a ‘trying to figure it all out’, joy, humour, connection… and they feel deep and of course can and do affect my experience, but something in me doesn’t buy into them as fully as I once did. I’m not afraid of these states – and I no longer put effort into trying to chase any of them away.  Their transitory nature (as intense as they can be) is so clearly secondary to the primary, unwavering truth of being.

This awareness takes me out of all the mental and emotional turmoil and places me intimately in direct experience with true reality.  In this way, I am able to operate with the fullness of presence, instead of operating with my awareness pulled into trying to put out all the fires going on in my mind.

Feels good to be here.  Especially when I forget and take those gruelling trips through those periods as an ‘identified me’….  it feels so good to come back home to the spaciousness of simply being fully here.

Peace, L.

 

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Getting stuff done – from presence

I received a beautiful question the other day, from a friend who was seeking understanding around how to respond to all the demands in life and maintain present moment awareness.

I love this question: How do we move through life with awareness (staying rooted in the present) and still get everything done?

How do we stay present when so much of what we do seems to require thinking, planning, doing….like our jobs, or keeping a household running, or taking care of others that need us?   It seems that the very heart of our conditioning lies in these massive invisible clouds laden with ideas, expectations, plans and objectives that we unconsciously carry into each moment (whether it is a business meeting, or grocery shopping, or even some of our social get-togethers). No wonder we are exhausted!  We spend virtually all our time racing around, trying to get everything done while meeting all the conditions and demands written in these ‘clouds’.

Is it possible to just let all that go and fully be here (and still see everything that ‘needs to get done’, get done?)

Well, why don’t you check it out for yourself?  I have found that it is not only possible, but much more sane and enjoyable…..

There are no conditions needed to be fully present.  We don’t have to wait until there is a quiet moment alone to allow ourselves to be fully present.  We can be fully present – actually we already are fully present– in any moment.  Notice if you have attached an idea or image of what ‘being present’ looks like…..most of us do. Being present doesn’t look a certain way – it simply means being fully open to what’s here.  So we can be fully present with sadness, or busyness, or stress – these states might not be comfortable but we don’t have to let them take us for an exhausting mental ride. We can just stay present and not run away, or hide, or push away, or distract ourselves from discomfort of any degree.  It can be challenging at first – because it is unfamiliar and seemingly counter-intuitive to remain in apparent discomfort – but that changes.

It is helpful to consider the conditions you may have put on your experience (for it to be ‘good’ or ‘happy’ or ‘meaningful’).  And see that because you likely have a deep preference for certain moments, activities, people or emotional states, when something different arises, you hit resistance – and then feel like you are not ‘present’. It is natural to have preferences – but when we continually exert effort to ‘make our preferences come into being’, we are in resistance to what is already present, and we feel out of alignment with ourself in some way – disconnected, separate, fragmented, confused….

So become aware of that resistance – that is what makes things extremely painful. The resistance is what causes the suffering.  Once you are aware that you are resisting something uncomfortable (almost always an emotion) you are at the foot of a conscious choice -to keep resisting (denying, avoiding) or to dive in and see what’s there.  I’m here to encourage you to take the dive!!  (Join me for a session if you would like support in moving through this…..<3).

There is a maturing that happens here… at some point we start to realize how we’ve been on the path of insanity, which involves believing every thought and working our butts off to accomplish everything those thoughts tell us to do. Then we might start to question our thoughts (Byron Katie’s Work is so useful here) and we start to see that we don’t have to believe them – there are other choices.

Then we might see that the one we identify ourselves to be, the one in control, actually doesn’t exist – except as a very strong and persuasive (continually gathering evidence to assert its existence) idea in our mind. An idea we have worshipped and defended fiercely for a long time, as being the centre of our existence.  When this ‘me’ is seen though, a surrender spontaneously occurs and we find ourselves to just simply be here, with whatever is, without condition – we are curious, alive, conscious, spontaneous, intelligent and loving presence.

So then from this place ~of presence~ we might notice that the diapers are getting low, or we are out of bananas, or there is a work meeting scheduled for 11:00 am.  Ok, this is the richness of the dance of life – we respond ‘as indicated’ to whatever life brings – from presence.  Maybe a thought arises that a lesson needs to be planned for next week’s class – so we can notice that thought and remain conscious…. we can look to see if there is an emotional charge (stress) associated with it?  If so, we inquire (open) into that stress. Or, if there is no stress, we go ahead and plan the lesson -from presence – which in my experience, results in a creative, inspired and joyful planning session which will likely flow into the actual class when taught.

It is essential to start telling the truth about what the most immediate thing is that is arising, whether it is an event, an emotion, an action, and attend to that. This often means just focusing your full awareness on it.  Insights will flow in.

From a place of presence, the things we once thought ‘had to get done’ start to take on a different hue – a different meaning. They start to represent the mysterious movements of life.  And lots of these things are seen to be nothing but conditioned demands from the illusory ‘cloud’, and they don’t actually need to get done – or if they do, we see that they don’t need to be stressful, or resisted, or executed in a predetermined way. We might see instead that they are all opportunities (diverse and always unexpected) to be unconditionally present.

We start to see busyness as the vibrancy and abundance of life’s movements.

This is what it means to operate from conscious loving awareness.  It is gentle and supportive – and much more humble and simple than the perplexing weight that comes with trying to meet all the unconscious demands set by our cloudy minds.

Peace to you in this moment <3

L.

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Anxiety and Awakening

I keep discovering this over and over… and because we are all so similarily conditioned and emotionally wired, maybe the insight from this discovery will support you.

Even when the turmoil of anxiety anchors an extraordinary heaviness to your thoughts, emotions and actions, and sometimes renders you incapable of completing the simplest tasks, the peace at your core is still there.

So why do we seemingly get pulled (or push ourselves away) from this peace?  If this peace is so eternally and powerfully present, why do we not always just feel that?

Because there is a tendency to gauge everything about ourselves by our emotional state.  Until we examine it, most of us believe that ‘who we are’ is based on our most predominant emotional state.  So our sense of identity is deeply linked to the emotional patterns we most commonly go through.  We personalize these emotional patterns and come to believe that they are the truth of who we are.  We come to see ourselves as being ‘even keeled’ or ‘dramatic’ or ‘easy-going’ or ‘fun-loving’ or ‘intense’ or ‘sensitive’ or whatever it may be. So then as these emotions keep coming (which they will) we take it as confirmation and reinforcement of who we believe ourselves to be.

But what if emotions weren’t personal?  I know this has been written about and explored before – it isn’t a new idea, but what if you could really investigate that for yourself in the midst of your next emotional shitstorm?

Now, this isn’t to say that we don’t or won’t feel these emotions/states intimately, as deeply alive and moving forms within us – so intimate that it seems like they ARE who we are… but what if for a moment here, we were willing to look at our emotions as changing weather patterns that are simply going to occur as they occur.  What if when deep heavy states of dullness, sadness or anxiety come, we were able truly welcome them (or at least start with truly making room for them – maybe for the first time).  Then we might be able to open to them, as well as witness and experience them with curiosity and wonder, rather than using the event of their arising as confirmation that we are depressed, anxious people?  We might learn something extraordinary from them….

Now, this isn’t to say that people shouldn’t be taking medication or getting help for depression or anxiety – of course both can be helpful and sometimes necessary.

But, for the low-lying dullness and anxiety that many of us feel, maybe it is important to hear – and examine for yourself – that just because that is what is arising, doesn’t mean that is what YOU are.  So you don’t have to judge yourself – or be hard on yourself in any way when these darker emotional states arise (and seem to move in for a while).  The emotions that come are going to come.  So much of the pain that we experience when these states come is from our resistance, shame, or denial of them.  But what if you could accept that you don’t have control over their comings and goings…..  that’s not the right place to look for your power.

Your power lies in the deep seeing of what is arising – and in how you respond.

So you can choose to take the deeply habitual path of resistance, (which includes feeling ashamed of yourself for feeling how you’re feeling, denying it, trying to fix it, hoping it will just go away with exercise, a nap, or a cup of coffee….) or you can take the conscious path (which really is about emotional and spiritual maturity).  This path is about taking a breath, taking stock of what’s here, accepting these ‘guests’ (as Rumi calls them) and allowing (surrendering to) the inner softness that will always be there when you are willing to accept it  – the gentle (yet knowing and powerful) loving kindness from your own being.  In accepting this, a capacity to be present with any state is discovered.  I’ve found, that even the murkiest emotional states can be experienced with clarity and wonder in this way.

This is one of the gifts these darker emotional states offer us…..the clear path to surrender, acceptance, maturity, wisdom, compassion, gentleness and true inner strength.

Be kind to yourself lovelies.

L.  xx