When you are triggered, like the big time trigger- that thing that has set you off for as long as you can remember, or that brings into question some aspect of your character, remember that the awareness that you are is always present, and there is always the choice to give your attention to that awareness, or send it outward at what is being perceived. Either way, the awareness remains equal. Even when the flood of emotions gushes through and you feel like you’ve ‘lost it’ and are emotionally beyond control- the awareness is still there. Even if you go on to carry out a shit ton of behaviours that you know aren’t the wisest, the awareness that you are hasn’t gone anywhere. Awareness can’t go anywhere – there is no such thing as ‘staying on track’. No matter what you do, even when you believe that you are deeply identified with ‘ego’ and ‘out of touch with your true self’, that’s just another thought-storm trying to take hold, and it isn’t possible for you to be out of touch with what you essentially are. The awareness that you are is always present.
One thing that a lot of ‘seekers’ do is try to continually focus their attention inwardly on this inner awareness – they try to remain conscious of consciousness all the time without allowing themselves to engage with the natural and wondrous unfolding of life. This is exhausting – and ridiculous, no? (I’m laughing in humility here – I’ve been guilty of this one!!) But trying to ‘be conscious’ or ‘remain solely focused on the witness’ is just another ploy of the mind. It is another way the mind is trying to assert something it already naturally is. Like a duck trying so hard to learn how to be a duck.
So what’s the point of all this? Well, the point is this- if the radiant awareness that we are is always here, we always have an incredible opportunity to navigate through life with it, just by simply noticing it. We don’t have to ‘learn’ it, or ‘try’ to get it or try to stay glued to ‘it’ all the time, we can just simply notice what notices. We don’t ever have to talk about it – we can go on living normally, as we do, but as we go about our day to day actions, conversations, routines, irritations, just check in from time to time – what is it in me that perceives this irritation (or this thought, this emotion, etc)? The immediate answer might be ‘me, the one who is irritated, yup, I have front row seats!’, but behind that, under that, and even within that, it is possible to clearly and directly recognize the immediacy of the vast and conscious spaciousness that perceives – that you are.
Peace xo
