One of the most profound lessons I’m deeply grateful to be learning in this lifetime is that Love—and qualities like stability, wisdom, clear-mindedness, etc.—truly live within us. Before I could directly access this deep well, I remember encountering phrases like “What you seek is inside you” and “You can’t love anyone else until you love yourself.” They left me feeling empty, even dejected, because I hadn’t yet connected to this within myself and I didn’t know how.
To be honest, knowing ‘how’ doesn’t mean that I always remember!! But the difference is, now when I find myself caught in waves of whatever is arising, (insecurity, doubt, or harsh self-criticism, etc.) —I am aware of something that is like the ring of a distant bell. This ring carries a potent reminder that, while this state feels so real, and is so consuming, it doesn’t actually reflect the deeper truth of who I am, or what I actually need to do. The state presents so much to fix—through self-reflection, exercise, supplements, therapy—and while none of these are wrong, and often even necessary in intense moments, directing my attention to the faint bell offers another, powerful way to respond.
For me, responding to this deeper call starts with simply naming that I’m enmeshed in a state – in what Tara Brach calls the trance of unworthiness. Naming this helps me become aware that I’ve fallen into believing something painful and untrue, something that seems to need fixing or overcoming. Being able to recognize that I am in a state is the true gift of these teachings. With this recognition, I can see how painful it is to feel so far from my true self.
From here, something compassionate starts to take over and I naturally start to resource myself with whatever feels most nourishing in the moment. I might place my hands over my heart, and take slow, deep breaths, and feel my body here in the present moment. I might gently rock from side to side or massage my face. In these simple acts, my nervous system begins to unwind, soften, and ease. My awareness returns, fully embodied, soft and expansive. There is a deep sense of being back and fully connected to my true self—free of any trance or state that needs improvement. From this place, if anything does need attending to, it is unhurried, non -reactive and full of compassion and clarity.
What a gift that is.
