The beacon

I’ve noticed these days that each time my ego even starts to crystallize into some form of wanting or resisting, there is instant and unbearable suffering ~ a deep contraction occurs in my being that is simultaneously avoiding and experiencing a deep despair. Yikes. Then a wise and loving question appears in my consciousness ‘how are you abandoning yourself right now?  what are you trying to get that you think isn’t here already?’  And then the falseness and the inherent limitation of whatever efforts or ideas my ego has attached to is clearly seen.  Deep and instant resolution comes with this seeing – no effort, decision or will is needed, the ego’s ploys simply fall away.

So then I’m left open, vulnerable, not-knowing… and when I’m willing to stay completely suspended in that vulnerability without grasping for any other feeling or foothold, the winds change and I start to drown in a deep ocean of surrender that somehow suddenly appears beneath, around and within me. As I come undone in the peace of that, experiencing the cessation of all effort, my being expands into an unknowable vastness, into forever.

And then

without warning

to my astonishment and delight

the beacon of a lighthouse

flickers ~

a knowing light

ripples through my heart

and draws me

home

<3

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