It is amazing how resilient we humans are – we find ways to put up with inner turmoil for decades or lifetimes because we believe it is an inescapable part of being human. Perhaps it is for a while, but at some point, for some of us, there is a deep draw to sincerely dig in and see what’s really under and within all that. What are we really made of? If what the teachers say is true, that unnecessary suffering is caused by our thoughts, and we begin to see how much we identify ourselves with (as) our thoughts – how can we meet something beyond that and have a conscious experience of it?
This question drove me for a long long time… and a huge realization occurred for me when I starkly recognized that the answer can’t be found in thought – so stop looking there... (so if the answer isn’t in thought… what is left? What is here when you don’t reach into the world of thought? Try this now….)
I had been searching for some ideal of ‘abiding peace’ that I was sure would be linked to a continual state of mind. It was kind of like dreaming of being in a permanent mental state of savasana after a dynamic yoga practice. And that is indeed a blissful state of peace… but the peace of savasana is conditional (on a good yoga practice, a quiet room, a soft voice, heck, the lavender eye pillow doesn’t hurt!). I wanted to find a constant peace that my mind could harmonize with and validate… I wanted the voice of the superego (the voice we unconsciously believe in as our ‘wisest’ moral conscience) to finally say in a deep soothing voice, yes Laura, good work, you are now eternally home in peace…..the heartbreaks of the world won’t affect you anymore…. This was my innocent, child-like dream of what I was hoping to find on the spiritual ‘path’.
But of course, you already know in your heart that it doesn’t quite work like that. There is no avoiding the heartbreaks of the world… but there is an astonishing discovery to be made – even within the deepest heartbreaks, that can show us that we never left the peace that we are.
The vehicle is a genuine willingness to stop searching within the territory of thought for a solution (or for a ‘way’ to peace) (which is a way of trying to change/fix/avoid reality)… and instead to and simply drop into what is Here (no matter how uncomfortable or terrifying that may initially seem)… and the good news (as Gangaji says) is –
a conscious peace is always waiting. There is nothing else.
But there is a catch, it takes fully committing to this drop.
That’s the hard part; the plunge that we think might eat us alive or hold us hostage permanently.
That’s the part where I needed help from my teachers and mentors, Cheryl Brewster, Kathryn Jefferies, Gangaji and Eli. and where I’m now so passionate about supporting others through. And to be truthful, the plunge has to be taken again and again to break through all those layers of deep conditioning that keep bubbling up. It isn’t easy – this is why they say a true ‘spiritual path’ is gruelling – it takes a tremendous amount of courage to question what nobody in your world seems to be questioning and then to walk in the truth of your own discoveries.
My love and support to you who are sincerely asking these questions and who are mustering the courage to take this plunge. While you might be feeling vulnerable, confused and disoriented at times, (as you move from the ‘known’ into the ‘unknown’) you are actually powerful wayshowers – who are no longer perpetuating the deep layers of conditioning that have dictated so much about how the world as we know it has to operate… your courageous step towards living consciously (by seeing through and therefore dismantling the power of conditioning within your own experience first), is what will allow the fullness of your being to come forth, which naturally bears the gifts of creative insight, compassionate action and a calm heart full of joy.
My blessings to you friends!