facing despair

Gangaji speaks about the essential jump – where we plunge our consciousness all the way through whatever identities we have believed ourselves to be – into the abyss of despair.  This may not sound like the most fun way to spend your time…and in truth, most of us take drastic measures to avoid this gnawing pit. But at some point, we must be willing to recognize that when we continually avoid this deep wound, we build up a storyline on top of it that is fuelled on a very deep (almost imperceptible) level by avoidance of this foggy and miserable sadness.  So we end up carrying that sadness everywhere – and as you know, it comes up through the cracks in all sorts of crazy (and crazy-making) ways.

So eventually, we must face this abyss. Life will carry us to this most mysterious choice-less decision to consciously and willingly explore this churning darkness.  Arriving at this moment is the most terrifying and sacred gift.  We know we must jump into this abyss unarmed, unprotected, undefended… we must be willing to free fall into the centre of it – with no escape hatch.

Until we face this most essential wound – we live in avoidance of it.  Many of you already know this is so in your own life.

I am here to tell you there is no hard landing at the bottom of this jump.  When we are truly willing to face – to open ourselves to fully face and feel this despair – to let it break our hearts – and to continue going towards the most excruciating epicentre of it anyway…. there is something tremendously alive, vibrantly conscious and profoundly loving waiting ~for you~ at the centre.  Once we fully recognize the truth of ourself – not as a concept or some lovely idea we’ve heard from someone else, but directly for ourselves… there is a realization that it cannot ever be (and never was) unmet.  The mind cannot ever grasp this – and if it tells you it has, that is not the truth….

There is a catch though, we can’t dive in looking for this ‘something at the centre’… we must go in fully willing to let it consume us completely… to be fully devastated by our own despair….. not ‘for a little while’  or for ‘just a peek’ – but an eyes wide open, deep dive into the possible foreverness of this despair.

The despair is the flagging tape, showing you where the portage starts – through a tangled forest to the long-forgotten, long-avoided well – the abyss.

This is a most sacred journey.

So much love and support – and encouragement <3

L.

ps email me if you would like to book some time with me!…..xoxo

theawakeningheart@laurapshaw.com